Paparazzi Mistake Jeff Ryan for Robert Pattinson at Milan Fashion Week

MILAN, ITALY — In a chaotic blend of high fashion and low expectations, independent filmmaker and alleged multi-hyphenate Jeff Ryan found himself in the middle of a Paris Hilton entourage... entirely by accident.

Ryan, who was reportedly invited as a special guest to the Armani party during Milan Fashion Week (though no one can confirm who extended the invitation), was spotted reentering an elevator to retrieve a dropped wallet — a wallet described by one observer as "very empty, emotionally and financially."

Moments later, Paris Hilton and her core crew entered the same elevator. Due to dim lighting, fast-talking, and perhaps years of wishful thinking, one of Hilton's team mistook Ryan for a guest and pulled him along. Thus began an evening of confusion, club lights, and unspeakable shame.

“Paris actually asked me if I’d seen Robert,” said Ryan. “I told her, 'No, but I’ve heard he’s handsome.'”

That offhand comment only added fuel to the fire. The confusion escalated when Paris herself reportedly whispered, “Wait... is that Rob?” Mistaking Jeff’s dazed confusion for brooding mystery, paparazzi descended like moths to a busted floodlight.

Within minutes, photographers were snapping photos, shouting "Rob! Rob! Over here!" Witnesses say several cameras malfunctioned upon capturing Ryan’s face at close range. One paparazzo allegedly vomited, later apologizing for “betraying the sanctity of Pattinson’s jawline.”

“He looked like Robert Pattinson... if Pattinson worked at a Quiznos,” one clubgoer whispered in horror.

Security eventually realized the mistake and escorted Ryan out. He reportedly thanked them and attempted to tip the bouncer in loose American change.

The club declined to comment. Paris Hilton’s team released a single emoji in response: 🫣

← Back to Home